hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
