Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
