Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
