Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
