Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
