You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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