Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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