At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
