I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
