now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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