He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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