Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
