So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
