Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
