Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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