just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
