Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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