I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
