I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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