That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
