it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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