im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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