I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
