hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
