I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
