I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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