I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
