and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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