I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
