i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
