I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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