Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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