she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
