How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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