Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My life is pants optional.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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