dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
