You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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