the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
