if only i could text you this smell
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Boobs are out for the taking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
