Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
why is half of my head shaved?
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