youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
