she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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