can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
