i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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