Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
