I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
