Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
