For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
