Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize