remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
