i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
