I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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