I could have mohawked her pubes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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