I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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