plz talk dirty to me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
