Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
