I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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