I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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