hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
