3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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