It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
